


stuck in war

by vampiriic



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/M, im so nervous to be posting this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 04:30:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12741054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampiriic/pseuds/vampiriic
Summary: Her phone reads 3:54am when he wakes her. Despite her heavy eyelids and the comfort and warmth of the blankets, she sits up. “Did you have another one?” she asks quietly. Even in the weak light, she can see his hands shaking and the rapid rise and fall of his chest.





	stuck in war

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in 6 hours at 12-6am while hyped up on caffeine  
> no beta readers we die like men

Her phone reads 3:54am when he wakes her. Despite her heavy eyelids and the comfort and warmth of the blankets, she sits up. “Did you have another one?” she asks quietly. Even in the weak light, she can see his hands shaking and the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

Car sits and stares down at his trembling hands. Sorin reaches out and gently takes them in her own. She is patient, and doesn’t ask him again. She knows what he’s like, when he dreams. She knows what _she’s_ like, when she dreams.

So instead, she traces slow circles on the back of his hands with her thumbs. The minutes tick by as they sit in silence, one of comfort and ease until Car can breathe normally again. His hands stop shaking, but she does not pull hers away. He gently moves them until their fingers are intertwined. He takes a slow breath before he speaks, exhaling quietly. “The titans again,” he says, and Sorin nods. Somehow she had already known. Those dreams are always the worst, ending with them waking with wide eyes and hammering hearts and lungs that can’t seem to catch a breath.

“What happened in this one?” Sorin knows that Car knows that he does not have to tell her if he does not want to. But it has become a sort of routine for them; steps to calm each other down after their nightmares. There is a comfort in knowing what questions to ask, what questions will be asked.

Car pauses before he answers. “We got lost,” he says, a faraway look in his eyes. “On an expedition. Got separated from the rest.” Sorin waits as he takes another breath, as if remembering how to breathe. She knows what it’s like. She’s had this dream before, they both have. But every time they still recount it to the other.

“We went to a forest. The one with big trees. We thought — we thought we could hide there.” His voice wavers, but he continues. “Our gear almost ran out of gas.” There are details in between that he knows that she knows. Titans they both faced together on their trek to the forest. Pillaging extra gas canisters from long-dead soldiers from previous expeditions. Details that they know that no one else would.

Another breath, another minute. Sorin doesn’t push. Her gaze jumps to the window, where outside, a streetlamp flickers. She looks back to Car when he speaks again. His eyes are closed, and she knows he is replaying the dream, as painful as it is. “You saved me, in the forest. I ran out of gas in front of the titan. You killed it and gave me the extra gas tanks.”

Sorin remembers. She remembers the fear of being caught, her foot stuck in her saddle as the titan reached for her. Car had tried to save her. And in doing so, he himself had almost died. She had killed the titan, but there is a lump in her throat as she recalls the moment she had dropped his extra gas tanks. If she had taken any longer to get them to him, he could have lost his grip. He could have fallen. “Did anything else happen?” she asks, after a moment. This is the last question they ask in their routine. Usually, there is nothing else. Usually, the dream ends there.

But Car finally looks at her, an expression on his face that she cannot describe. “You died,” he says, so softly she barely catches it.

Sorin feels like her heart has leapt into her throat. “I died?” she asks, only inhaling when she realizes part of the tightness in her chest is her forgetting to breathe. But this is a part of the dream she has never heard before. This is a part of the dream she has never dreamt before.

The words fall from his lips in a quiet rush. “We had survived for so long out there,” he says, his gaze still on her and she cannot bring herself to look away. The cloudiness in his eyes is gone, and there is an urgency in his tone. “But we were down by a river getting water and — and your gear, I think something had happened to it before because a titan found us and I got up in a tree and you got stuck-”

“Car,” Sorin says, and he stops. “Breathe.” He does. He had started speaking faster, his words rushed and blending together.

“You got stuck,” he repeats, and his voice cracks. He grips her hands tightly, like he is grounding her. Like she is floating away and he is the only thing keeping her there. “It got you. And I was — I didn’t…” he trails off. Car takes several more deep breaths, trying to calm himself down before his breathing becomes too fast and he has trouble speaking again. Sorin waits.

He looks away first, head bowed as he focuses on their intertwined hands. “I didn’t do anything,” he says, and it feels like a confession. It _is_ a confession, but she does not and cannot blame him. “I just stood there on one of the branches, frozen. I could have killed it.” A pause. “I could have saved you.”

Sorin always did wonder how that dream would end for them. How that life ended for them. Two teenagers trapped in a forest, surrounded by monsters and miles away from the rest of their civilization. Her only regret is leaving him alone, but she knows that time has passed lifetimes ago. She gently pulls one of her hands away, raising it to rest on his cheek. Car’s eyes close as he turns his head to the side, pressing a light kiss on her palm.

“You may not have saved me,” she starts, and she can feel him tense, “but I’m here now. That’s what matters, isn’t it?” She lightly squeezes his hand, a gesture that he returns. ‘It’s just a dream’, she almost says, but they had promised each other they would not say that. Because she knows, and he knows, that they aren’t just dreams. “I’m still here.”

“Still here,” he murmurs, reaching up to rest his hand on hers. His hands are warm against the slight chill of the room. It is proof that he is alive. Proof that they both are alive.

They lapse into silence, taking comfort in each other’s presence. There is a stillness in the air that is only present late in the night. Sorin feels him finally relax, knowing that they are safe. The night is quiet, interrupted only by their soft breaths.

“Sorin,” Car eventually says. “Will you stay again? Tonight?”

Sorin thinks of her cold bed at home, of Car’s parents who have been more of a family to her than her own. They welcome her with open arms while she could be gone for a week and her parents would not care. “Of course,” she answers without hesitation.

She knows the next time they sleep, it could be her waking him up at four in the morning and recounting her nightmare. Her taking minutes just to breathe while he holds her hands and reminds her that he is there. She knows that the next time they sleep, it could be her dreaming of her own death.

But he will be there for her, just as she is there for him. He will ask her their questions and tell her to breathe when she forgets. And he will remind her that he is still there. Still alive.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by [v.i.p.p's poem](https://vacantinkandprettypink.tumblr.com/post/164894037841/my-dear-youve-suffered-quite-a-bit-throughout)!! their stuff is super nice
> 
> this is my first fic on ao3 and im really nervous posting it aaaaaaaaaa
> 
> homage to the very first setting these guys were in. an snk rp lmao. now its an assortment of random au's <3


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